Amelia's Birth Story

It's only been a week and 3 days since Amelia was born and I'm still randomly crying over her birth. After so much anxiety, fear, and doubt about my ability to go through another natural childbirth her birth story is my favorite one of all.

Last you knew, July 30th, the day before my official "due date", I was told by my OB that baby was happy and I might go another 5-7 days. I had him sweep my membranes with the estimate of "today or tomorrow" and, of course, NOTHING HAPPENED. Friday came, so did the in-laws, and we spent the day at home. Joe came home that night. Not a single contraction. I had to convince them that if nothing happened overnight I would be completely fine to drive to the airport Saturday morning to get my mom by myself.

I got up on Saturday morning, August 1st, around 5:30 after Joe had left for drill. I had an easy morning and got ready to get my mom on time only to have Emi have a complete meltdown as I was trying to leave. I distracted her with some sort of sweet snack she doesn't usually get. It was probably a cookie. Nothing else was happening. The plan was to get my mom just after 10, get to the hospital around 10:30-11:00, have my biophysical profile, and be home by Emi's nap time.... nice try.

Getting my mom was easy. Everything was on time. It's once we got to the hospital that of course things took FOREVER. I was put in a triage room and hooked up to the monitor. The fetal heart tracing was quick. 20 minutes with a very happy baby heart rate and even a few contractions that I never felt. It reminded me of Emi's tracing the day she was born. Then I was taken to ultrasound and the COMPLETE thing was done. Not only did she measure amniotic fluid levels (they were HIGHER), she did fetal breathing movements, gross motor, and fine motor movement. She scored a perfect score, 10/10. Dang. I mean, GREAT! But, dang.

So then we went back down to triage to await my discharge. We sat there until after 1pm. When the nurse came back in she told me she had to give me a diagnosis of "false labor" and relayed the message from my OB to "Keep your appointment for Tuesday." WHAT!?!?! That was still 3 days away! In my head this baby was going to be 10 lbs by then - even though I knew that wasn't true. No one mentioned doing another membrane sweep, or anything at all. Just stay pregnant. I was so anxious at this point I thought there had to be something I could do. I wanted her to come so I didn't have to wait anymore.

So, that was the start of it all...

What happened next was we got home and my in-laws were so wiped out by the kids they couldn't get out the door fast enough. I could tell they wanted to get home and rest as soon as they could. So they left in the mid-afternoon. I debated what to do, and decided that castor oil was an option I was willing to try. It was either going to work or it wasn't. And at least if it didn't I wouldn't be constipated anymore for like a whole day again, maybe. So at 4:45pm I took another 2oz dose of castor oil.... and waited. The research indicates that castor oil will put approximately 50% of women into labor within 24 hours. What I failed to read was the recommendation that you take it in the morning after a good night's rest. Yeah, take note.

Joe came home around dinner time. Still nothing...save for the comfortable relief from constipation. We put the kids to bed on time at 8pm. I must have been feeling some contractions at this point because nursing Emi during a contraction made me cradle my belly. But, I don't remember this being of any real significance to me at this point. We came out of their room and they were so tired from grandparent fun and no nap that it wasn't awful putting them to bed.

We all sat on the couch and started watching Miss Congeniality on TV - even though we own it on DVD and could have saved ourselves commercials. Anyway, I began timing contractions at 8:20pm. They were about 40-50 seconds long and 3-5 minutes apart the whole movie. Now, if I listened to my OB, I should have just gone to the hospital after the first hour. But they were virtually painless and I wasn't convinced they wouldn't fizzle out like last week. So, we stayed home.

Joe went to bed, and my mom and I finished the movie just before 10pm. She went to bed and I went to my room to get in the tub. We both thought, "Good night, I'll see you in the morning!" I got in the tub and felt GREAT. It seemed like the contractions spaced out, I wasn't feeling much at all, and I was so comfortable I started falling asleep over the edge of the tub in the near dark. I figured at this point it was best to go to bed. I got out of the tub around 10:40pm and got in bed. Immediately after I laid down in bed the contractions got painful, lasting only 30-40 seconds, but they were also about 1 1/2- 2 1/2 minutes apart. I woke Joe up around 11:10pm and told him "I think we need to call your parents back" because the plan was for them to drive back over here to be with the kids while my mom came with us to the hospital.

We debated for awhile whether it was really time to call them, if I should wake my mom up yet. What should we do? I figured I was going to get back in the tub while we waited for his parents. I got into the bathroom, couldn't stand up anymore, and had to turn right around and tell Joe, "I think we need to go. NOW. We can't wait. I have to go wake my mom up." Joe's parents didn't answer their phone. I woke my mom up and told her we had to leave now and we got into the car. We even remembered to put a large puppy training pad on the seat in case my water broke. Joe's parents called as we pulled out of the driveway to tell us they were too tired to drive safely, which we'd already figured, but wanted them to know we were heading in.

It took us 16 minutes from decision point to get out the door and on the road, or so says the contraction timer gap. I was already sleepy tired from getting up at 5:30, my mom wasn't going to be in the room with us now, and I was starting to sing through contractions. I told Joe I wasn't feeling brave and I just wanted an epidural. He said, "You can do whatever you want." I insisted. He kept mum, though he was thinking, "you're not getting an epidural in time..." We got to the hospital just before midnight.

We went to the ER and Joe ran in while I slowly made my way out of the front seat. Joe says he told them his wife was about to have a baby and upon describing the rapid timeline of my previous two births they wheeled me very quickly to L&D triage. I'm "AHHH'ing!" at this point through my contractions. It was Quiet. There was no one else. After that people started coming in. Joe joked, "Someone must have said the "Q" word." The all time jinx for nursing staff to go from a nice night to chaos.

Now, I give all credit to the L&D nurses (I have NO idea what they looked like or what their names were, haha) who took Joe seriously when he told them there was a baby coming, quickly, but still maintained their casual manner before an official cervical exam. I'm sure they've seen all sorts of hollering women not even in active labor. My contractions were still about 1-2 minutes apart. I was STILL insisting I wanted an epidural. I think it was the first thing I told everyone. The nurse checked me at 8cm and bulging bag. I knew there wasn't going to be an epidural...man, transition SUCKS. She went to the door and rambled off a very long list of names of people to call RIGHT NOW. The nurse asked if we'd called my OB on our way in - we hadn't. I'm that patient who didn't know how to call him myself. They paged him at home. He had apparently JUST gone home to feed and let his dog out because there was no one in labor. He was about 25 minutes out. I thought, "Nooooo, I'm not going to last that long!! We should have called on our way in!"

There was a flurry of bodies in the room starting my IV, drawing blood, asking intake questions, getting vitals, and waiting for an L&D room to take me ASAP. I hollered at one point, "I'm feeling PUSHY!" and they all said, "No, no, no! No pushing!" It was a different feeling than Emi's pushy feeling, but it was still intense. They wheeled me to LDR8, and I managed to shimmy myself over to the bed grabbing the bedrail for dear life.

Dr. O was still about 10-15 minutes out, but the nurses gestured that the hospitalist was in the room on standby. I briefly waved. At this point I wasn't getting a break. The contractions were coupling before one would actually go away for a whole minute - maybe. I know I repeated again that I was getting pushy - cervical lip - and the same nursing response, "No, no, no! Don't push. We're waiting as long as we can for Dr. O to get here." I was thinking, "NO! I'm NOT!" Then from somewhere magic Dr. O walked into the room and we were ready to push. The nurses wanted to do all sorts of things like breaking down the bed, getting stirrups out, and offering an amnihook to break my water. Dr. O said no need for anything, I could stay on my side, and they only lowered the foot of the bed slightly.

I looked at the clock somewhere around 12:45am. I gave a few pushes and not much happened. I was in an internal battle between the oh so famous pushes where you hold your breath and bear down and my own comfortable, less forceful, open breath pushes. I had one weird pushy sensation accompanied by an "AHHH!" holler and the water bag exploded across the room! Not kidding, the WHOLE room. Joe said he missed it because he blinked. I was positive that the baby would just come out with the next push - or something. That's what's supposed to happen with third plus babies, right?! NOPE!!!!

It was another few pushes or so before Dr O told me, "Babies like to be in and babies like to be out - they don't like being in between." Obviously, many women push for 2, 3, 4 hours with no trouble, and I didn't get to see the tracing so I'm not totally sure how dramatic her decelerations were or how prolonged they may or may not have been, but I got the message that baby needed to come out. But, I wasn't feeling that pushing sensation I had with Emi at all and my contractions had THANKFULLY spaced out a little. Dr O told me my lack of pushing sensation was because he was pretty sure she was face up, which I was pretty sure of too from only having ever felt arms and legs out my front and frequently attempting my own Leopold's maneuvers. They asked me if I wanted to get on my hands and knees and see if would help her rotate. The idea of moving off of my left side and using muscles to support my body weight against gravity sounded AWFUL. No, thank you! So, Dr. O checked to see how far down she was because if she wasn't coming down I was going to have to change positions. She was 3+ (AKA ALMOST out) get with the program, Michaela! So, Dr. O started pushing on the nerves for me to cause the most uncomfortable need to push ever.

As many times as everyone kept reinforcing to me that if I just held my breath and pushed she would come out faster I was really struggling to do it. Open breath pushing was so much more comfortable and it stopped the pain of the contractions and gave me some sensation of pushing at the same time. I remember doing the same thing with Lincoln, only I had a stronger urge to push with him. I looked at the clock periodically and around 1:10am I realized I'd been pushing longer than I'd pushed with either Emi or Lincoln. Between contractions I was totally relaxed, I was able to put my legs down and just rest on Joe, whose fingers I was otherwise CRUSHING! I was beginning to have dramatic fears of needing forceps or vacuums or her being stuck and needing a c-section - for no good reason other than I was anxious, tired, and in pain. I knew I had to rally and really start pushing to get her out. It was going to happen whether I wanted to feel it or not.

Unlike Lincoln and Emi's births, I distinctly felt the ring of fire that describes crowning this time. HOLY CRAP! The hollering/screaming escalated because OMG, it HURT. And it was taking SOOOOOO LONG in my opinion. I had somehow moved from my left side to on my back-ish and mostly sideways in the bed. I was bracing my right leg on Dr O's shoulder, but I was still on my side enough my left leg was on the bed. I was half eyes open and half introverted at this point. I saw her head coming out through the panting breaths that controlled the expulsion of her head. Joe saw she was completely face up, and the moment her head was out I felt INSTANT relief. Dr O told me, "Now, stop. Open your eyes and look at me. Grab your baby and bring her out." So I let got of Joe's fingers, grabbed her as her shoulders were coming out and brought my own baby to my chest. Amelia Mae was born at 1:13am on August 2nd. I started crying - the first birth I actually cried.

She was eyes wide open and quiet but totally fine and happy. We dried her off and stimulated her on my chest and she got to hang out skin to skin under my gown. We waited until her cord stopped pulsing before it was clamped and cut. Dr O even told the nurses no IV pitocin. He told me he was fine with putting her to breast and using the natural oxytocin of breastfeeding to help with placental expulsion and bleeding. I was a bit slow to put her on because I was watching her and holding her, but I slowly sat up and she latched immediately.

She nursed both sides and was with me for over an hour before she was ever removed from my chest for weight and assessment. I guessed she was about 7lbs 4 oz. She was 7lbs 3.5oz, which was rounded up to 7lbs 4oz. She was 20.5 inches long. She got her newborn meds and was brought right back to me and nursed even more while she was totally awake. After about 2 hours of skin-to-skin, nursing, and transition we were moved to postpartum around 4am. We got a few hours of snoozing in. Sort of. More nursing. Lots of dozing off sitting up.

Joe got up early and went home to be there before the kids woke up. They must have known somehow (animal instincts) because they were awake and Lincoln was mad. Joe says he was waiting in the shadows of the door, "WHERE DID YOU GO?!" Joe told him, "Mommy had the baby last night." and Lincoln insisted, "I wanted her to have the baby in the bathtub!"

Essentially, her birth went exactly according to my birth plan - and no one even got the chance to read it. I joke that Dr. O went all midwife on me because it was pretty much the most physiologic birth I could have had. The only thing I look back on and struggle with a bit now was my decision to take the castor oil on Saturday afternoon. For one, I felt like I knew she was sunny-side up at the time, so I probably should have given her more time and maybe she would have turned and I wouldn't have had the challenge of birthing a face-up baby - no back labor this time though! Joe is convinced if she had been the right way she would have been born at home or in the car because she would have come faster. He might be right. The other thing was feeling so ready for her to be born, but at the same time not being prepared for how fast it would go for not really starting on its own. When would she have really come if I hadn't taken the castor oil? Would I still have been pregnant on Tuesday? Once she was here I kind of wanted her back inside to hold on for just a few more minutes, to feel her kicking and moving, and to spend another day or so with just Lincoln and Emi in anticipation.

We are so grateful for a fast, relatively easy birth and our healthy, easy-going baby girl. So much love!

Emilyn's Birth Story

Joe is going to have to read this and tell me how accurate it is because there is something about after-birth hormones that make you forget things on purpose. I feel like there would be no way I could forget anything about this amazing birth, but the details do get a little fuzzy at one point.

Our surprise baby was "due" on September 17th, 2013. After 3 weeks of doctors appointments that told me, "Oh, there's no way you'll go to your due date" and me saying, "That's what you said last time." September 17th came and went. I knew it was only a date and that given our varying date of conception and the statistics on when babies are normally born ranging from 38-42 weeks, I wasn't too surprised. Part of me was SO ready and the other part of me wanted to cry that it was almost over. I loved this pregnancy. I felt good, I wasn't depressed, I had "the glow", I loved documenting it every week, and I knew that it was going to be over soon and this might be my last...

I had an appointment at 10:45 on the 19th to see how Chubby was doing with a non-stress test, an ultrasound, and a cervical check. We knew a few things: 1. induction/augmentation was not part of our plan. Joe and I talked about it before we even went in that if the tests were good that we would not choose to induce/augment at this point. We would go home and wait for labor to start naturally. 2. If it was anything like Lincoln's delivery, we were pretty certain it would be the 19th but we just needed to get all the info first.

First, we went to have our non-stress test. Lincoln was very concerned about me being strapped to the monitors, but Chubby was "the happiest baby ever" and I was not hooked up very long - very reactive and I was even having contractions (I wasn't feeling them, but my doctor said they were distinct). Next was the ultrasound to determine how much fluid Chubby had left. The AFI was the reason Lincoln was augmented on his birth date so I expected that if there was an indication for delivery that would be it for Chubby as well. "The current recommendations are that if the amniotic fluid index decreases below 8 after 35 weeks, then delivery should be considered." I thought if it was greater than 5 I might be allowed a few more days to see if I would spontaneously go into labor. Yeah, no, 8 was our number. Not sure where I got 5 from... My doctor did two assessments. He did a subjective assessment and told me that it looked low so he was going to have objectively measure the fluid level. It came back at 4.76. End of story - today was now the day. If anyone can really tell me why my fluid levels get that low and I don't spontaneously go into labor prior to it dropping below normal despite progressive cervical dilation- please tell me.

Before we mosied our way to the hospital my doctor did a cervical check to see where I was at. I thought for sure I'd be further along than the previous week's appointment since I'd had two good nights of counting contractions where we considered going to the hosptial. NOPE. 4-5cm, 70%, -2. -2?!?!?!? I thought Chubby was lower than that. He stripped my membranes again to "get things going" and told us to head home and get our bags and meet back at the hospital around 1:30. The hospital was FULL but they would get us in a room as soon as they could. (Full moon you know. Whatever they say about full moons not being true, they're covering something up because it's SO TRUE.)

If you know me AT ALL, you know that I was in no hurry. So what did I want to do? Go out to lunch. Yes, seriously. We went to Paradise Bakery for lunch and ate our fill of food and cookies since I knew when I got to the hospital food was going to be something of the past until after birth - and who knew how long that would take.... we got home close to 1pm and by this point I'm actually feeling contractions. My next course of action was to try and get Lincoln to take a nap so that he wouldn't be a nightmare for Kristen (who was rearranging her patients and leaving work to be there for us - we know we are so lucky). Guess what nursing does? It releases oxytocin, which makes contractions stronger. I totally had ulterior motives there and it was definitely working. By the time Kristen got to our house and we got packed up I was having trouble walking through some of the contractions but I wasn't convinced it was a pattern I would maintain if I didn't keep moving.

We planted Lincoln, our little no-nap-ninja, on the couch in the "tiny room" with "red blanket" and "Beast". We kissed him good-bye and headed for the hospital. Again, if you know Joe, the best driver ever, he was driving like a crazy man taking corners too tight and it hurt. He was just trying to get there. I could tell he was really nervous - like it all just hit him that this was the moment and holy cow a lot was going to happen today. So he decided he needed some Starbucks to get him through it. Well, if he was getting coffee I was getting a cake pop. Two. After all, it was a birth day.

We pulled into the parking spot in front of the L&D entrance and Joe asks me "Are you sure you like Benjamin as the boy's name?" WHAT?!?! We're hours from having our baby and the statistical probability that we need a boy's name is super high and you're asking me if I still like it RIGHT NOW?! Oh, boy. Yes, I do like Benjamin. The only other names I had on my list still were Gabriel and Ryder... I guess if he doesn't look like a Benjamin we can talk it over again, but that's still it for now.

We get into triage around 3:30 ish. It's full. We sit and sit and sit and wait and wait and wait and pee. Then finally we get called back to a room. It's somewhere in the 4 o'clock hour now. We pass the room Lincoln was born in and get set up in the room next door. Our nurse, Gina will be going off shift at 6 but she gets us all settled. A little bit of monitoring, an IV saline lock for emergencies, the admission assessment/histories we all hate doing, a quick cervical check that says I'm 5 almost 6 cm, and some walking the hallways to pass the time.

I continue to contract every 2-3 minutes on my own and I'm starting to bend over and breathe to get through them. I must have been close to spontaneous labor because apparently stripping my membranes worked. I'm definitely progressing now. Now, it was change of shift again and Gina was headed home leaving us in the care of Jamie and Amanda. I got nervous for a bit though because Gina didn't know if Dr O was on call tonight or if someone else was. She said a name that I didn't recognize (pretty sure, Dr. W) and I got nervous. I'm really really flexible. Lincoln was born at change of shift with NO ONE I knew in the room and a doctor I'd never met who looked like a baby himself (we love Dr. H), but when she said Dr O might not be delivering this baby too I wanted to cry.

Oh wait, I did cry. Dr O was on his way in to talk about our options and I'd gotten back in bed for a few minutes. Kristina posted a very sweet and perfectly written status on Facebook for Chubby's birth and I burst into tears. I was scared, nervous, excited - all of the above. And then everyone walks into the room, "Are you OK?!" Yes, just pregnant. Dr O then said the best words I'd heard SO FAR. "I'm here until 3pm tomorrow." THANK GOD.

Good news was since I'd started producing a labor pattern I had the option of continuing to walk and be intermittently monitored and let it all happen as it would OR he could break my water and really get things moving and we could have a baby. He said it would take longer and wouldn't hurt as bad or it would go a lot faster and hurt a lot more. Really??? Would it really NOT hurt as much if it took two or three times as long (or more)? Biology says probably, I understand the science behind it, but in reality did I really want it to last much longer? No. I was counting on it being fast like Lincoln when I opted to have my water broken.

That moment came when he broke my water. 18:18. Not a lot of fluid came out but I remembered just how warm it is. I went from 6cm to almost 8cm instantly. Before he broke my water I was already at the same pain level I was with Lincoln AFTER he broke my water. I didn't know what to expect now. BACK LABOR. That's what! We already knew that Chubby was looking up to my left via the ultraound earlier and we hoped that s/he would rotate as s/he engaged. I stayed in bed for a little bit on the monitor, and then when they determined that Chubby was doing fine I got out of bed. We knew though that I shouldn't go far so I opted to sit on the birthing ball. BEST THING EVER. The back labor got more and more intense and Joe sat behind me pushing as hard as he could to counter it. It really really helped, but DANG as Chubby got lower and lower it was harder to get Joe to push the right spot. I was starting to grip the bed railing with white knuckles and Jamie kept reminding me to breathe.

Suddenly there was another gush of fluid. "Just sayin'" is what I told them. I knew that meant Chubby was moving down and yes, yes Chubby was moving down. I started to feel the need to poop. Joe asked me if I felt like I really needed to poop or if that was Chubby. YES! was all I could say. It feels like you need to poop whether there's poop or not. Poop is insignificant when there's a BABY coming out your VAGINA!!! Then the urge to push started to hit me. We decided I should get back in bed and when I did I got stuck on my hands and knees over the back of the bed. I even said "I'm stuck!" They asked me if I could get on my back and it was all very familiar. I was recognizing all the same milestones I'd had with Lincoln only I was in a lot more control - even though I was stuck. The nurses went to get Dr. O.

I got on my back and OMG, it got SO MUCH worse. Back labor on your back HURTS. But since I was feeling pushy-like they checked me. 9 cm. Oh, NO! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I'm NOT there yet??? Joe was sweet and put cool wash cloths on my head and neck. I couldn't even keep silent during contractions and I was trying to push on my own back to counter the pain. I'm like Serena Williams vocalizing in labor - contractions just last longer than hitting a tennis ball. But seriously, a few contractions later (I have no idea how long it was really) I meant it when I said I needed to push. Dr O had to help me roll onto my right side and hold my knee up by my ear to try and help Chubby turn. Instantly I really did need to push and I couldn't help it!! I think I even said "I have to push!" Dr O or Joe or someone then said Chubby was crowning. I was on my side holding onto the bedrail for dear life NOT wanting to pull my knee to my head even though I knew it was going to open my hips up for Chubby to turn. It's really hard to hold your own leg that high when all you want to do is push away from pain. Jamie had to keep reminding me to breathe because I was starting to hold my breath. Contractions just kept coming and I could not keep my body from pushing. Dr O even told me that crowning would burn or something I was thinking "It's not as bad as back labor!!" Then I heard Dr O "I see hair" and I'm pretty sure I said "there better be". Joe said "the baby has dark hair." - he wanted Chubby to have dark hair with my eyes (the opposite of Lincoln). Next came ears and I'm thinking "sweet, once the head is out it's just one more push for the shoulders and it's all over." NOPE! Wrong again. The head came out and I actually tried to open my eyes and look. I couldn't. I had to close my eyes to push again. There was no nuchal cord but WHY wasn't it just one more push?? Where was Chubby?! What was taking so long?!!?

Joe was actually delivering Chubby. What was taking so long was Dr O putting Joe's hands in the right spot to turn the head and pull Chubby out. Dr O could have done it in one push but it took an extra push to give Joe the time to get positioned (I think??) The second Chubby came out the pain was all over and I was able to open my eyes again and look behind me at the baby someone was holding. The cord was straight down between the legs and just as Joe was saying, "it's a girl!" I saw it for myself. My first thought was, "Are there parts missing??? Are you sure?" But oddly enough, I wasn't surprised. I'd already felt it. September 19th is my dad's sister's birthday. We lost her to cancer a few years ago. She was waiting for this day. 19:07. 49 minutes after they broke my water.

She went straight onto my belly and we waited until the cord stopped pulsing before it was clamped. We were covered by towels and warm blankets and she stayed skin-to-skin with me for a long time before they weighed her and before I told Joe to double check and make sure she was a girl. I'd already looked once myself, but it still hadn't hit me that she really was a girl and it wasn't going to suddenly change.

Dr O was showing Joe and the nurses my contraction pattern from the monitor. I essentially had something like 6 clustered contractions back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back-to-back which resulted in a fast birth but OUCH! THAT FREAKING HURT!! One of the first things I even said was "I think I'm done".  Funny how less than 10 days can make you think, "It wasn't THAT bad. I could do it again".... uh, yes, yes it was that bad, I'm just lucky it was only 49 minutes!

It was great for our orienting nurse. She had never seen an unmedicated delivery, a surprise sex, a birth that fast, or side-lying. I absolutely understand why some people choose to ask students to not be part of their births, but I love that we had an orientee. It was even written twice on the birth plan that students were welcome. I think we made her shift.

Emilyn Grace was 8lbs 0oz. 18.5 inches long. We stayed in the hospital for 24 hours and came home that following night. Lincoln couldn't wait to take her home.

She is a good sleeper and a good eater. She has those baby blue eyes that Lincoln never had (maybe she'll get hazel or green eyes). She's got fuzzy brown hair and chubby cheeks like her Daddy.
She does not look like me, she looks like Joe.

 Lincoln loves her and wants to play with her already and "hold it" being her. She loves her swing and loves to snuggle. And the A+A gigantic swaddle blankets the the best thing ever. She LOVES to be swaddled.

"Chubby" has not stuck as a name. She's now Emi.

Lincoln's Birth Story

I feel like I MUST have written this story down somewhere before. I must still remember everything, but surely there is going to be some lost detail from the fact that it was almost a year and a half ago that he was born. I will do my best.

Lincoln was due on September 29, 2011. I had just arrived in Arizona about 6 weeks earlier. I had no doctor and no insurance. I was SO stressed out. We found a doctor's office that accepted both Cigna and Tricare and I was finally able to establish covered care at 36 weeks! I had not seen a provider since 32 weeks and everyone I talked to was freaking me out. "I see my doctor every week! You don't have a doctor?!" AH!!!

We had two hospital options for delivery. This doctors office actually delivered at both. We toured one and couldn't get a tour in the other. The one we saw would have been wonderful, I'm sure, but we weren't given warm fuzzies. We chose the other hospital, which happened to be another 5 miles further away. We had heard wonderful things though and liked the healthcare system this hospital was associated with, Banner. Sight unseen, this is where our baby would be born.

My first appointment was meeting my doctor, Dr. Oland, and talking about my history and what we wanted. My biggest fears were pitocin, a sunny side up baby, an episiotomy, and a crash section. I also needed my GBS swab. But, being only 36 weeks, he couldn't check my cervix. 

So comes 37 weeks. My GBS swab was positive (bugger) and my cervix was already dialating! I was 1-2cm, 50%, and -1/0. WOW! I had NO IDEA. My doctor said he'd see me next week and then I'd probably have a baby. I needed to get ready! But, I really didn't do anything.

38 weeks comes, 39 weeks comes. I'm 3-4 CM's, 50% and zero. My Dr told me he'd see me in the hosptial this week. There was NO WAY this baby would make it to 40 weeks. I'd already spent some nights here and there counting contractions for a few hours. I was already clinically admitable being GBS+ and 3-4cm. But I wanted to know for SURE. I didn't want any augmentation. Joe would go to work and I would watch Criminal Minds episodes on DVR long into the night. I'd count contractions, put Joe on standby, and go to sleep.

The night of September 27th I started counting contractions around 9pm. I wish I knew where the piece of paper was (I did save it) that had the exact time. When I find it, I'll update you. But, I started counting contractions at about 5 minutes apart, but they weren't PAINFUL. They were consitant, they were measurable, and they were 5 minutes apart! I wanted to labor at home as long as I could though and not have a false alarm. I told myself that I would try to sleep through the night and if they became painful or my water broke we'd go on in. I had an early morning Dr. appointment anyway so he'd be able to tell me what was really going on. I fell alseep around 11 something. Joe gets off at 12:30 and is usually home by 1am. Just after 1am my phone rings. Joe's 10 miles away at a gas station and his car won't turn over. He needs me to come jump start his car and help him get home. So I drive out to the Litchfield Park exit, still having contractions, but not painful, and we drive home and go to bed.

By morning, I've slept really well, and we head to the doctor. In the car I told Joe that they were stronger this morning and they kept coming. In the doctor's office I really knew that they weren't going away and they were 3-5 minutes apart. I kept telling Joe they're really happening. I think they're real. Thank God my Dr. could tell me what to do. They didn't HURT yet, but they didn't go away in the night. I knew this was it, but how long was it going to be?

We saw Dr. O and he was surprised I'd made it 39.6 weeks. He watched my belly contract from his chair and felt its strength and asked, wide-eyed, "Are you feeling that?!" The plan for the visit was to 1. check the baby and 2. check me. Tomorrow, at 40.0, I'd be eligible for a controlled labor. Remember, I'm GBS positive and I have to have antibotics and I'm already 3-4 cm. Or so I was last week. I was not going to be induced early but I was not going to be allowed to go late either. It was now or tomorrow. He brought in an ultrasound maching and we took at Lincoln. There was lots of curly umblical cord and a tangle of limbs but not much fluid to be seen. The measurement was an AFI of 4. I already knew I was going to the hospital today because he was runing out of fluid. My doctor chipperly asked, "How does today sound?!" Great! We were already packed, but we wanted to go home and take care of Bella. She was kenneled and I felt bad that she would be in there all day if we didn't get home for lunch. He agreed under the condition that my cervix was stable. Ok. Let's see. I was a buttery 5-6cm, 80%, and 0/+1! WHAT?! I was HOW FAR?! He told me we were NOT going home and he would see me at the hospital in a few minutes. I needed to GO and go NOW! I was shocked! So many women spend painful hours getting to 6 cms and get pitocin inductions to even get there, and I'd slept through it!

We got the hosptial, took our final belly picture, and I got hooked up to a monitor and IV's for ABX. We had our birth plan with us and talked to our nurse about what we wanted. I told her that I wanted to try and have the baby medication free. I didn't know if I wanted an epidural, but that I would ask if I did. I was not having any pain yet, but my contractions were visible on the monitor and every 2-3 minutes. I hung around in bed and rested. I was so nervous and excited. I was excited because I was done being pregnant, but I'd also enjoyed my time to myself in those final weeks. And I was nervous because  I wasn't sure how much it was going to hurt and I'd been so depressed, I didn't know much I would love my baby boy when he was born.

My Dr came in just after my second dose of ABX was administered. I was now considered 'adequately treated' for GBS. He artifically ruptured my bag of waters at about 1730 ish. He told me to stay in bed for 30 minutes then get up and walk around for a few hours to keep things moving. He told me I would probably deliver around midnight. I was still 6 cm, which made sense since I'd been in bed since we got to the hospital. My contractions instantly got stronger and I had to begin introverting and concentrating to get through them. The pain that was missing became present. But I still said no meds. I could handle this. 

30 minutes later, my oncoming nurse helpe me get "dressed" to go walking in the hallway with my friend the IV pole. I got out the door and told Joe that I felt nauseated. Now, I know L&D. Nausea and vomiting is a sign of transition at 8-10cm. But, 5 minutes ago I was 6cm, I just stood up, I'm a first timer, there was no way. So I turned down the hallway and started walking. I had to stop and lean into a contraction as they were getting more painful. I began to feel sick. I told Joe I needed to throw up. He told the nurses who kind of looked at him like it wasn't serious, but the second he put that bag in front of me I puked. Then I told him I needed to go back to the room to sit on the toilet. So we turned back around and got me to the bathroom. Now, this may gross you out, but I'm very thankful I was on the toilet and not pushing at this time because it saved me a "code brown" while pushing :D. But that did it. The second my bowel and bladder were empty, Lincoln DROPPED and it HIT ME like a bowling ball in the butt. Oh. My. God. I screamed. 

I told Joe, "JOE!! I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS ANYMORE! I WANT AN EPIDURAL!!" It gets hazier from here, but I distinctly remember yelling those exact words to Joe. He knew I meant it too. He told our nurse who opened the bag of fluids on my IV pole for the bolus and left to go notify anesthesia. I couldn't move. I was stuck on the toilet and I was in PAIN. There was NO break. I must have had a couple of contractions right on top of each other with such a rapid transition because even Joe couldn't get to me to move, but he could see the blood. He knew it was time and I was going to have a baby on the toilet. Now, part of me thinks I should have stayed there, but in American OB, you don't have babies on toilets, so I tip-toed my way back to bed. I got on the bed on my hands and knees still hollering in pain. The nurse said she wanted to check me. She tried. Then she realized she couldn't because her fingers were deflecting off his head!! I heard her say, "he's right there." and Joe told me it was time to push.--I think he said that.

Joe did tell me I had to get on my back. I wanted to yell at him and tell him I wasn't moving! But I did.  The nurse, whose name I didn't know, poked her head out the door and said we needed a doctor, NOW. The rest of the staff who had just come on shift looked at her like they didn't get why because "Room 1" was having a baby MUCH later tonight and she gave them her serious face, we are having a baby right NOW. Shock ensued, the room was bum rushed by everyone who was free, and a doctor I'd never met or seen before came in to deliver. Such is the luck of a nurse. I began pushing and was amazed how relieving it was to push. I had enough awareness to ask for a mirror so I could see. I used that mirror to tell me how good I was pushing. It definitely felt better to "push" but not effectively push. It was this happy middle ground where he wasn't going to come out but it alleviated some of the contraction pain. Everyone around me kept telling me to push and he'd come out. I had to make the conscious decision to actually push through the pain and get him out so it would all be over. I remember realizing the point of the ring of fire, but honestly, by then it wasn't the worst part. I remember seeing his head come out and then crying out "ooooowwww!!!!" when his shoulders followed. I probably pushed for 20 minutes. He was born at 1852 on September 28th, 2011 at 39.6 weeks.

They placed him immediately on my now jelly belly and began drying him off. He was very quiet, but he was pink and alert. I touched him and said, "hi, Baby." He looked like ME! And didn't have hardly any hair and it was blonde! Joe cut the cord, he was quickly weighed (7 lbs 1oz) , measured, banded, tagged, diapered, gooped, and stuck and then given back to me skin-to-skin. He went to breast within 30 minutes of birth and had a wonderful first feeding before he got sleepy. He laid on me during my whole transition and I got to carry him in my wheelchair up to postpartum.

Some women say they feel a wash of love sweep over them when they see their baby for the first time. I did not. I did want to hold him, snuggle him, feed him, love on him, look at him, touch his fingers and toes, take pictures of him, everything; but he felt foreign to me. He was everything I'd ever wanted growing up just waiting to become a mom. Now that moment was here and I had no idea what to expect... I had to get to know him, he was MINE. Joe told me he couldn't wait to see me hold my baby for the first time and that I had no idea how much I would love him. I can't even identify when I first felt overwhelming love for Lincoln, but I feel it every day now and it only grows bigger and bigger.