I Wanna Go Home

Today was that day that I didn't want to be a mom yet. I just wanted to feel miserable in my bed, sleep, do whatever I wanted while blowing my nose every 5 minutes, and not go anywhere.

First, I woke this morning bleeding into the sheets. Of course we washed them last night and had just put them fresh on our bed before we crawled in it. My first thought was, oh, no. That's a lot more than normal. This is bad. But further evaluation amounted to nothing. I have no idea.

This cold is kicking our butts. Today it moved into my sinuses, so everything is a little pressurized. I'm light sensitive, my eyes are itchy, my nose is raw. And then comes the cough. It's less productive today but what needs to come out is thicker and deeper than before so when I started coughing I ended up projectile vomiting before I could finish my cough. It leads to a sensation of suffocation and choking together. No fun. ALL.DAY.LONG.

Lincoln asked for food all morning long, picked something out, and then refused to eat it. I was losing my patience, but I didn't want to yell. I feel bad when I get to that point and it's really for no other reason than I'm tired and frustrated and he's not feeling that great either.

My favorite time of day is nap time. He knew at 1:30 that it was time. I figured he'd been waking up early he'd had bad naps yesterday, today was I in for a good 2 hour nap. I was so happy to lay down. I was just falling into sleep when I heard a loud siren and horn HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK. I looked at the time 2:34. Then, waah, waah, waah. Maybe I should have let him cry the full 5 minutes, but I went in to get him thinking he'd come nurse in bed with me. Nope, he started crying harder and then I started crying. He looked at me with confusion but continued crying and I continued crying. At one point, I sobbed outloud, I wanna go home!

I guess I meant Arizona, even though it's really not home to me. There's things about it that are more home than here - like our HOUSE! There's more room. It's ours. It's quieter. There's good and bad about both. There's a lot of reasons I DON'T want to go back to Arizona. I like being together here M-F with nights, weekends, and holidays. I like Disney, I like Universal, I like the beach...

Anyway. After about 45 minutes of crying inside, outside in the dog park, in the bathroom (while giving Bella a butt-bath after the dog park), and all around. I did what I never thought I would do. I got in the car to just drive somewhere for him to fall asleep. I chose to go to MacDill and get some silly things we needed. Lightbulbs, snacks for Linc, Kleenex (i finished two boxes this morning). And guess what? He didn't sleep either on the way there OR on the way home. Not another minute.

Thank goodness by the time we got home it was already 4:30pm. I knew Joe was coming home soon!! My second favorite time of day! He got home and he was so nice to give me a few minutes by taking both Bella and Linc to the dog park and then he gave Linc his bath. I love how even though he has school work today, he always takes some time to help me when he can. I could have easily plowed through the rest of the evening and done Linc's bath, but he got up and did it so I could do whatever I wanted.

Tired baby went to bed at 8pm refusing to read books. He was definitely feeling much better this afternoon. He was smiling and laughing again, but he's so good about bed time. He wanted in his bed with "choo choo" the train blanket,  Dog, Mickey, and his fish mobile. No peep. Good night.

Now I'm so ready for bed myself. I'm hoping tomorrow is that much better of a day. I'm ready to feel better again.