I was so nervous to start disciplining Lincoln. I wasn't necessarily abjectly opposed to the idea of spanking, but I do believe that it teaches him, especially at this age, that it is OK to hit - and it's NOT. So I took the idea of time out as I'd seen it on an episode (the only episode I've ever watched) of Super Nanny. She called it the Quiet Corner.
Lincoln was 12 months old the first time he went in the quiet corner. I don't even know what it was for, but at 12 months old it was for either biting, hiting, or throwing something really heavy at my face and it hurt. I designated a small spot next to our TV stand and hallway to sit him down and tell him, "Lincoln, NO NO. You do not [hit]. You need to sit DOWN in the Quiet Corner and stay there." The first time he didn't stay, he got right back up and moved out. I picked him and put him right back in and told him the same thing. Then I turned my back and watched the clock until the minute changed. I've always been told it's 1 minute per year of age. So I just watched for the minute to move. Then I take Lincoln by the hand and bring him out of the corner and repeat what I told him when he went in. "Lincoln, I love you, but you don't [hit] and that's why you went into the quiet corner." If he hits Bella (or me, or Daddy, or anyone) then he has to kiss her, hug her, and tell her he's sorry. (obviously he doesn't say "I'm sorry, Bella" right now, but he does hug her and kiss her) Then we go do something completely different and I affirm him and love on him for playing nicely. I want no association with comfort and "it's OK, Baby" when he comes out of the corner because what he did (whether he really knew it or not) was NOT cool.
Joe was highly skeptical of this tactic until one day when Lincoln did something (I think he did something to Bella) and we BOTH said, "NO NO! You do NOT do that." and JOE put him in the corner, we both turned our backs (do NOT peek at them), and he sat there and BAWLED for his minute. He couldn't believe we both did it! Then we turned around, I took his hand and walked him away from the corner, he sniffled for a bit and moved on and didn't do whatever it was again because we occupied him a different way.
If that wasn't enough, he knows now that if I tell him, "Lincoln, don't do that. If you do that [again], you're going to sit in the Quiet Corner." he walks himself to the corner, points at it with his "uh?" sound, and starts to sit down. The first time he did it, I half laughed beacuse the idea that he understood was hard to believe. But he's done it many times. That's the part that breaks my heart and that's when I do go running and tell him, "Lincoln, it's ok, you didn't do it, you don't have to go to the corner. Thank you for listening." He KNOWS! The baby knows! He's even done it when I don't use the words "quiet corner" and just tell him NO, not to do something he knows now he's not supposed to do.
Now, with sassy pants older pre-school aged kids, I know very little about quiet corners, time outs, taking things away for alotted periods of time, spankings, or what have you. I have been told that another effective technique is to put their dearest Lovie in the time out and it will distress them into listening or deter whatever behavior you don't like beacuse they want their Lovie back and they don't want their Lovie in trouble. I'm definitely holding onto that idea for the future.
I'm a fan of our quiet corner. I think starting discpline early has set me up to be a good enforcer in the future. I'm glad Joe is on board and I think it helps him too since he's kind of a sucker. I'm the natural enforcer. Lincoln very rarely goes in the corner, but we have consistent behaviors that warrant the corner; the biggest ones being biting, hiting, and throwing inappropriate objects that hit people and Bella.
What works for you and your toddler or pre-schooler?
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