Wagner Weekly: Ed. 6 (Updated)

Wagner Weekly: Ed. 6 (Updated)

This week was such a chill week for us and the same is the goal for the weekend. My legs are still a little itchy/stingy from sunburn so I have no intentions of getting sundrunk this weekend.

Joe's busy with school work. I am so done with school. He has a few more big assignments and then he'll just get to sail through the remaining few weeks with posts. Online school is tough. 

Lincoln is just happy to go to the pool. Me too. I love the pool. Lincoln is a good little "swimmer" he loves to move all four extremities though he does not like his floaty or being on his back. He does laps on the pool stairs.

We couldn't help it, we went back to Venice Beach and hunted for more shark teeth (I'm hooked!) We had a lovely afternoon, a nice dinner, watched the sunset, and drove home in the rain :D. *I Love Florida*

A few days ago, I wrote a little more about our situation with B and why we were going back to Arizona this year instead of staying for an extended tour as originally intended. When Joe read it he wasn't angry or upset with me but he just suggested that perharps I should re-read what I'd said and think about if I'd want just anyone to read it too. Something along the lines of, "If you can't say anything nice, maybe you shouldn't say anything at all." I considered his words and reverted the publication of them into draft. When I read them I realized that I would not change anything I said. Facts are facts. Quotes are quotes. I stand by everything I wrote, but I would like to reflect and reflect upon myself more positively.

The bottom line is that Joe has a son who is 13.5 whose life he wants to be apart of. That's reason enough right there why we are going back. I will support Joe in whatever way he wants to be involved with B and I love him for the fact that he wants to be with B rather than a less involved alternative.

I've been praying a Rosary every night before bed as my new focus for creating some inner calm, strengthening my faith, aligning my priorities, praying for Chubby's health (I'm still worrying about Chubby's brain), praying for friends and family, and peacefully sleeping. I'm still a neophyte Catholic so the Rosary isn't something I know by heart. Welcome, iRosary. I downloaded an AP! I'm serious! It's called Rosary Audio by NowBible and I LOVE it. Anyway, one of the biggest prayers I've been sending up is for B and his mom; that they may find the help they both need, peace for the summer vacation, and that things calm down and that I may let go of my anger and find some acceptance and forgiveness.

The quote, "Time heals all wounds but nothing can remove the scars, that remember forever the pain you had!" rings very true right now. Time will heal the wounds that I anger over, but "normalcy" has forever changed as I have been witness to this last year of a challenging blended family. 

Some days I still struggle with where B belongs in my family and how that will affect Lincoln and Chubby. I am so grateful that Chloe & Sophie call me their sister too even though they know they're the Big and Little sisters to each other. Chloe has told me I'm the "Big big sister" and she's the "Big little sister"and Sophie is the "little little sister". I have my dad and Michelle to thank for that. It would be very easy to have redefined my role as "well, she's not really your sister." And I feel that sometimes I'm victim of that thought in relation to B with Lincoln and Chubby. I am ready for this distant year to come to an end and get back to Arizona so that Lincoln, Chubby, and B are all in the same place. I have a grandiose idea to create an elaborate water table on our back porch as it is the most obvious thing that will enable all of them to engage in the same activity together and develop a relationship.

I find myself guilty during this pregnancy of thinking and saying, "Oh, it will be SO nice for Lincoln to have a brother or a sister." We (myself and Joe) have caught ourselves talking to family members and friends with these very words only to correct ourselves when we realize technically he does have a brother, B. Oops. Understandably, we really mean a peer, a playmate, a roommate, another child close in age more that we mean BROTHER or SISTER specifically. Lincoln is now picking one of us for certain things he wants to do. He gives each of us a specially chosen car or a crayon to play with him. He wants Dada to sit right here NOT Mama. If I sit down he pushes me off and pats the same spot saying "Dada". Gotcha. I'm SO ready for him to have someone else he wants to play with! (Don't get me wrong, I love playing with him.) Before we left, Lincoln was very fascinated by B. I have no doubt that when we return his curiosity and interest in engaging with him will remain the same. I often think about how Lincoln and Chubby will know B as they grow up whether we remain in AZ or not. 

This year has been a short year and a long year. It's been long for the fact that tickets to Arizona are ridiculously out of our budget and Joe has not regularly been able to talk to B on the phone. However, some good news that has come to our attention since the school year ended and a phone schedule that will work for everyone has been established is that B is USING the iPad with Proloquo2go!

Now, getting Proloquo2Go (or any Aug Com device) has been a focus of mine since before Joe and I were actually married. Not that it hasn't been their focus either, but my bestie Emi has a cousin with Autism and she alerted me to the programing available on iPhone/iPod and I'm a nerd. Then I saw the news snippet on Carly that circulates the internet. It was so inspiring and made me believe that this (getting him a program) was why it was ME (the worst person I can think of to be a step-mom for a child with special needs (not meaning to sound self-depricating)) who married Joe and came into his son's life. Being the techiest of any of B's people, I kept on it. Lucky for us an iPad soon followed.
After spending months attempting to acquire one within our financial restraints, ASU provided B's mom with one for her own professorial/personal use! YAY! So I purchased the program and put it on the iPad and we started playing with it with him when he was at our house. We could tell he was very interested, but none of us had any training. That was in June last year and finally when he was transferred to a third school this past school year they asked where his Augmentative Communication Device was (the other schools deemed him incapable of using one). Needless to say, the iPad started going to school with him and Joe and I had heard nothing of its practice until this week. As relayed to Joe, he will pick out whatever games he wants to play, open the program when he wants to, and if he doesn't like what she's offering for dinner he'll tell her what he does want. I guess the state is now ordering another one for him since he's using hers that was provided by ASU. What blessed news! If that much progress was made in less than one school year, I'm very excited for what will be coming in the remaining 8 years of his public school education (he can remain in the public school system until he's 21).

I look forward to getting back to Arizona and seeing him use it with us. I hope it will make the difficult transition back to dual parenting time and a new baby and a loud toddler easier. Perhaps he will even be able to tell us something he wants to do when he's at our house. I will be more than happy to do whatever he asks!

If anyone has any good ideas on how to make a water table that will affordably accommodate a water-loving 13.5 year old AND a toddler let me know!!