Lincoln's First Day of Preschool

How stinking cute is this kid?!? On Thursday, June 26th, Lincoln went off for his first day of preschool! He was SO EXCITED, until he realized Dada, Mama, and Emi were not staying. He jumped out of bed in the morning (I actually had to wake him up so he'd get there on time) to see what I had put in his backpack and check out his lunch. I didn't even know it was him riffling through his bag he go up so fast. He picked out his outfit all by himself, insisted on putting his shoes on and getting in the car "to go to preschool" right away. He wanted to carry his "packpack", not wear it on his back. He was very excited when I got the camera to take a picture, but he wouldn't stand where I asked him to and 4 pictures was quite enough before he was done and climbing in to the car.

We arrived at his school where Lincoln is attending 3 days a week for 1/2 days (4 hours). Joe came too to see the school, his classroom, and meet his teacher. We were met at the door, the staff were expecting him for his first day, and as we walked to his room I was asked, "Are you OK, Mom?" Yes! I'm SO EXCITED for him!! I have real memories of my preschool days and I can't wait for Lincoln to get that kind of exploratory opportunity. His class was outside already for outdoor time since it gets so hot so quickly. He wanted to play, but he held my hand the whole time and pulled me everywhere. We lingered so we could chat with the teachers we hadn't met yet and when we tried to say good-bye he lost it. So we waited until the transition from outdoor to snack inside, said "have fun! We'll see you after lunch", and left covered by some chaos. It wasn't hard for me, it was harder for Joe. I was so excited for him. Emi was pooped after playing outside too and decided to take a 2.5+ nap. Joe and I had some time during daylight hours with no kids awake... what in the world was there to do?? Haha. We sat on the couch and couldn't think of anything.

I had to wake Emi up to go get Lincoln at 1, and because of that I was a few minutes late. He was sitting at the little table with another 1/2-dayer while the full-day kids were already racked out on their nap mats. He saw me and LOST IT. He bolted over to me as fast as he could in TEARS, and wailed, "I want you to take me hooooome." As soon as the door to his classroom closed, he started talking about Preschool,

L: I cried at Preschool

M: why did you cry?

L: I cried for Momma and Emi.

M: Did you have fun?

L: Yeah.

M: What did you do?

L: I ate some grapes. They were old.

M: No they weren't, they were new grapes.

L: Oh. I ate.... a sandwich, a jelly sandwich. I ate da whooole fing. (peanut free facility, it was jelly and nutella)

M: What did you do today?

L: I cried

M: yeah, you cried, but what else?

L: I peed in the potty. I didn't go wet wet in my pants. *signs diaper* <>

M: Do you want to go back to preschool?

L: Yeah. I want to go back soon.



M: Lincoln, tell me what you were doing in this picture? (I get a report e-mailed every day that tells me what they did! It's awesome)

L: I maked hand prints!

M: What color?

L: Purple *points to right hand* and orange!!!! *holds up his left hand to my face*

Day 2 he was just as excited, and he even showed me where his new cubby was with his name on it for his backpack. He couldn't wait to push open the door for outdoor time, until I said those magic words, "Ok, dude, I gotta go. I'll see you after lunch."

L: Where are you going?

M: I gotta go home.

L: I don't want you go hooooome!!

He clung to me so fiercely I could walk around with both my arms free like he was being carried in the Ergo or something. His teacher had to help me, I re-affirmed I would be back after lunch and I left. I got back to the car and I could still hear him crying, "I want maaaammaa". He was sitting on his teachers lap. *INSERT GUILTY FEELINGS HERE* But I was still fine, I actually took a nap when Emi did. When I went to pick him up I arrived about 10 minutes earlier so that he wouldn't be the last 1/2 dayer being picked up. I snuck up to the window to see what he was doing before he saw me. He was sitting on his teacher's lap reading a story with two other kids sitting on either side of her. He looked sad, but was consoled by her lap and the book. When he saw me, he LOST IT again. He raced over to me, "I waant to gooo hooome!!" His teacher said he had just started crying when the nap mats came out, he knew it was getting to be that time.



When we left the classroom, he again started telling me "I cried at preschool." But when I ask him if he had fun he says "YEAH!" and nods his head and widens his eyes (If you know Lincoln, you know what goofy headnod/eye expression I am referring to) and then he told me he didn't eat his sandwich (which he didn't). He's got his bag already packed again with a snack and a magazine. He even wanted to take a picture yesterday with the tripod, the big camera, and the remote of him wearing it on his back. He got it all out and stood it up (save for the camera) and was so proud. Then he told Joe this morning all about preschool yesterday and how he "cried for Momma, but Momma always comes back".

I suppose I could think about this and say, "I can't believe you're doing this to him!", "He doesn't HAVE to go to preschool", or "You're conforming to the system!! Pull out before it's tooooo late!!! You're scarring him for life. Kids need their mommas! Where were you???!!!!" *dramatic echo*. But, I've become comfortable with the decision that he go to preschool, and I know that there will be adjustment pains as well as some awesome things learned.

Lincoln is starting preschool for a few reasons, the biggest reason being that I am starting school and the average work-load is 50 hours a week. Think about that, that's 10 hours more a week than a 5 day a week, 8 hour day full-time job. I have two kids at home full time. I need any hours I can get without putting them both in full-time care. Emi takes 1 good nap a day, so I'm adjusting it to the same time Lincoln is in preschool so that I can have 2-3 hours of school time during the day, on the 3 weekdays that Joe goes to work. I've also adjusted their bedtime to 8pm so that I have an additional about 4 hours at night before I need to go to bed. Really, this is only covering about 1/2 the hours. The rest are going to have to be made up when Joe can help with the kids, or I will be calling on some friends to help if he can't. Some people would question, "Maybe you shouldn't be going to school yet??", but you know what, I'm really excited to go to school and Lincoln's excited for me too. Ever since I started telling him I was going to school, he goes to bed better. I'm not kidding. That's some pretty impressive support from a 2 year old.

Lincoln is not a very independent kid. He doesn't just play by himself like Emi does. He also won't play near kids his own age. Oddly enough he clicks very well with older kids and runs off to play, but when it comes to his peers I have to be with him and he still won't talk to them, even in playgroups where he knows kids' names. I am hoping preschool will help him develop some independence. He and I are very close, I love that. I'm not trying to "cut a cord" or anything, but dang, he is an energy sucking vampire and I am the queen of the introverts. I need some space and time to recharge -even from my own 2 year old. It makes me a better mother when I have that chance. I am more patient, more attentive, more organized. I yell less, I'm equipped to handle meltdowns with grace, and don't spend good time wishing it were bed time. I call that a win already.

Lincoln also seems very eager to learn. We spend a lot of time with letters, numbers, books, etc at home already. He loves to watch and repeat and I want Lincoln to be encouraged by other people in his world to open up and share himself and explore his self and his identity so that he can come back to me, confident, and say "Momma! See what I can do!!" and I will be so excited to say, "SHOW ME!"

Him going to preschool is not the end of the world, nor is it my parenting fail at being a creative home-schooler. We already spend a lot of time with letters, numbers, books, etc. But, just like the culture of fear that is being fed about modern birth and OB/GYN's being your enemy during delivery and the babycenter forums obviously know WAY better how to safely have a baby than anyone who went to medical school, I feel the same thing comes across the internet about institutional school vs. homeschool. It's freaking exhausting to try and fight it. Preschool is not the enemy, nor is voluntarily choosing to enroll Lincoln 4 hours a day/3 days a week going to make an inadequate mother who didn't care enough to be there for my child's every moments. I am so thrilled with the curriculum, I am learning from it things I can bring into the home when he's not there the other 86 hours a week --that's A LOT of time (total hours of the week have been time-adjusted for 10 hours of sleep a night). I'm not an early-childhood educator, I mean I am by virtue of being a participative mom, but I'm not. Just like we are grateful for doctors when we need a check-up but we're not sick, or contractors when we need housework done we could have DIY'd, I'm grateful for the preschool teachers who got degrees in an early-childhood education because it's what they love, it's what they enjoy, and they design their classrooms to benefit our kids in ways that becoming "Mom" didn't magically bestow upon me. I'm still Mom, but I appreciate the gifts that teachers bring to my child's exploration of his world.

Today we watched Daniel Tiger's going to school episode and first day of school episode and I talked Lincoln through it. I sang him the "Grown-up's come back" song at the recommendation of a fellow mom and we'll see how he identifies with that as a comfort for drop offs. Next week we are traveling so he won't go and when get back I start school right away! I hope the adjustment back in goes well and that soon Lincoln is so excited to go that I have to wrangle him for a brief good-bye kiss before he's off on the playground.

I'm excited, so be excited too!!